Brittana + Hugs
Look at nayas hugs
All huggy and lovely and stuff
So wonderful and perfect. Both the hugs and them together! I need it!
"Mamí?" Annie looked over at me from her tiny chair (okay, maybe I fit into the kid’s chairs in the waiting room too, but I didn’t admit that to anyone) with her big blue eyes. "How come you don’t live with ‘Buela and ‘Buelo in Ohio?"
"Well, mija." I started, not really sure how to even explain to a four year old about growing up and moving away, especially to a four year old who was especially attached to her mothers. "What made you think of that?"
"Just wondering." She shrugged. "They’re your Mamí and Papí, and I live with my Mamí and Mama, and Bricey and Eden live with their mommies and daddies."
"Hmm." It was incredibly hard, given how bright and rational she was. "Well, what about Grammy and Poppy. What if Mama had to live them? How could we all live together?"
"That’s a very good question." Annie burst out into laughter, and it wasn’t long before I joined in. "Can I live with you forever and ever?"
"Bebé, Mama and I want you to live with us for as long as you want. If that’s forever, then yes, you can live with us forever."
"So I don’t have to have a wife?" She pursed her lips, seriously considering her very, very distant future.
"No, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to have a wife, or a husband, or anyone. But you have a long time before you have to figure that out, and you definitely don’t have to decide now. You never know, not so long ago, I didn’t think I’d have a wife either."
"I’m glad you do Mamí. Can I ask you another question?"
"You can always ask me all the questions you want." I promised, unable to help myself from scooping her into my arms.
"Do you think Bricey would be sad if I wanted to have another friend? Since he’s my very best friend?"
"Oh, mi amor, he wouldn’t be sad at all. Look at all the friends Mama and I have, it’s okay to have as many friends as you want. Is there someone else who’s friend you want to be?"
"Not yet, but maybe soon, since I might not be so scared to talk anymore."
My heart caught in my throat, and I was glad that Aaron, Annie’s therapist, came out to get her before I needed to speak again. This beautiful child, this amazing creature who bypassed the emotional intelligence of people ten times her age, yet struggled so hard, because sometimes I truly believed she just felt too much was trying so hard, and seemed to be wanting in more than ever. While she was in the room, I tried my hardest to work on sending out some e-mails, but I was completely distracted (the hardest part of being a work-from-home mom) by Annie’s seemingly disconnected questions that actually had so much in common. She was still trying to understand how to love people beyond the ones she’d always known, and it actually made so much sense to me. Instead of working, I shot a quick message to Callie, knowing that what I’d assumed earlier in the day, about the time being close to give my daughter a small push in the right direction, was absolutely correct.
"Okay." I sat down on another pumpkin and pulled Annie onto my lap. "Mama, pull up a pumpkin, we’re going to have a little chat about the p-word."
Britt laughed a little, knowing it was not the only p-word that was pervading the thoughts of a Lopez-Pierce, and rolled another pumpkin up right beside us. She pulled Annie’s feet up into her lap, not caring about the dirt from the bottom of her little shoes getting on her jeans, and rested her hand on my thigh, probably knowing exactly where I was going with this.
"Once upon a time, in New York City." I started.
"Like the song!" Annie interjected.
"Well, sort of. Anyway, once upon a time, in New York City, there lived a woman who’d spent most of her life believing that she needed to be perfect. All of the things she tried to do with her life were just so everybody else thought that she was worthy. But the woman, she was very, very far from perfect, and that scared her very much."
"Did she get a spell to become perfect?" Annie asked, and I realized that she was using the word without fully knowing the meaning.
"Do you know what perfect means, mija?"
"It means the best in the whole wide world." She said, raising her eyebrows in hopes that her answer was right.
"Not really. But that’s what the girl in the story thought too. What she didn’t realize, was that there’s no such thing as perfect. Everybody, everything has bumps and bruises, maybe a pumpkin has a teeny, tiny hole in the top, or it’s not the same shade of orange as all the rest."
"So what happened to the girl?"
"Well, after six years of living in New York City, trying to be something she could never be, the girl found another girl who she loved very much, one that she thought she’d lost forever." I said, completely skipping the entire middle of the story, the story Annie would hear when she’s much older. "And it was then that she learned those magic words, perfect doesn’t matter, her girl, the one she was so lucky to find again, told her that, and for the first time in her life, she really believed it. You don’t love someone, or in this case, something, because they’re perfect, you just love them because they’re right for you."
"But what about you, Mamí? You’re perfect."
"Oh, Annalise, I am far from perfect. In fact, I’m the girl from the story, and the other girl, the one who knew the magic words, that’s your Mama. And as much as we love each other, as much as we love you, we know that when we say the word perfect, we really mean perfect for me. Does that make sense?"
"I think so. So, if I want to get a pumpkin that is a funny shape, or has green spots, that’s okay, if I love it most?"
"Baby girl." Brittany said, her eyes shining as she looked at the two of us. "You could get any pumpkin you want, and we’d be happy with it if you are."
Annie scampered off again, her steps significantly lighter after ridding herself of the strange specifications that she had for her pumpkin. Brittany rested her hands on my hips, resting her forehead against mine with a smile, and I stood on my toes to sneak a kiss.
Brittany squeezed my hand again and I released it, urging her to go check out the weird mass of cells that were growing in some kind of vial. Before she did anything else though, she took out her phone and snapped a picture of me, hair spread out behind me, trying to hide my grin for the camera. We were obsessive about documenting things, I was well aware of that, but this could potentially be a huge day, and she wasn’t going to miss a photo opportunity for the world. Putting her phone back in her pocket, she gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before going over to join Dr. Singh. While I lay there with my legs spread, ready to just get this whole thing going, Britt stood over the doctor’s shoulder, a gigantic smile on her face like she’d just seen the sun for the first time as she stared down at cells that looked like absolutely nothing, cells that could grow to be another everything.
"Hey there." She said, her voice almost a whisper. It didn’t matter what the internet said about not getting too attached, for Britt, talking to an embryo as if it was already a live baby was something she needed to do, something I’d never take away from her. I could feel the pricking behind my eyes, knowing the tears were coming at how beautiful she looked standing there so sincere and full of love for the idea of another baby. "I know you’re like, not a real person yet, but to me, to us, you’re already so real. I want, so badly, to be your Mama, and if I am, that means you have to listen to me, right? I promise you that your Mamí will keep you safe inside of her, I mean honestly, I wish I could be inside of her all the-"
"Brittany!" I gasped, horror showing on my face. I heard a small chuckle escape from Dr. Singh’s mouth as she busied herself with washing her hands again and putting gloves on. "You can’t say that to the maybe baby!"
"Oh my God! I didn’t mean it like that San, I swear! I meant like my whole body curled up inside of you because you’re so warm and snuggly and safe. You know what I mean!" The whine was evident in her voice as she got frustrated by her inability to say what she meant.
"Okay, I’m sorry, I do know what you mean. And it’s really beautiful what you’re saying, I’m sorry I interrupted."
"A-ny-way." She enunciated, playfully shaking her head at me and looking back into the vial. "As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted by the woman who’s head needs to be removed from the gutter, she may be silly, but she’ll keep you safe, and I promise I’ll do everything to help her with that, and I also promise that if you grow, you’ll get to come home to the best place in the entire world. You’ll have two moms who will do anything for you, and you’ll have a sister who is basically the greatest little girl ever, and she’ll love you so much. Even if you’re a really long way from having ears, I hope you can somehow understand what I’m saying, and I hope that convinces you to do whatever it is you have to do to become a part of our family."
When Brittany blew a kiss, I realized I was weeping openly, goddamn hormones, I swear. Looking around awkwardly, she cleared her throat and returned to her place at my side. All I wanted to do was kiss her face, thank her for saying the words that ran through my head, but that I didn’t know how to say. It was true, all of it, and although part of me was so terrified by how much hope I felt, the other part knew how to do nothing else. I settled for holding the back of her hand against my lips, both in gratitude and as a balm for the intensity of my emotions, I vaguely registered Dr. Singh talking as I stared at Brittany, both of us so lost in thought that I knew she had no idea what was being said either. Luckily for us, the doctor knew that we had a tendency to get lost in our own world, and when it was her turn to clear her throat, I snapped out of the trance I’d fallen into.
Okay, guys! So now that Halloween is over, here is the master list of all the stories that participated in THE BRITTANA FANDOM’S SPOOKTACULAR TOUCH-A-TOUCH ME DIRTY FICTION DOUBLE FEATURE (Also known as #DUBSPOOK):
AfterImage by Perfectly Censored (x-roulette-x)
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Pairing: Santana Lopez/Brittany Pierce (Glee)
Rating: MA for graphic depictions of violence, coarse language, and sexual themes
Summary: ”You’ve spent the last few years not only becoming accustomed to it, but turning it into a sort of unspoken mantra. You…
N O P E
RULE OF TUMBLR: THIS IS A MUST ALWAYS RELBLOG
Why wouldn’t you want to? It’s so perfect…
"Listen, Rach. What I’m about to tell you doesn’t leave this kitchen, okay?" I looked at her expectantly and she nodded. "I had a really hard time at first, with the idea of locking our bedroom door, of not being completely at Annie’s beck and call, especially when she was really small and sick, but you know Britt has always been able to get me to open up and talk about things. The first time the baby made noise over the monitor while we were having sex, I couldn’t have jumped out of bed any faster, right in the middle of going-"
"Um, can you please skip that part?" Rachel asked and Brittany giggled.
"Okay, fine. Anyway, I left Brittany totally high and dry all because the baby had the hiccups in her sleep. She never even woke up, I was just that neurotic. We ended up having a really long talk about it, and Britt had already done all kinds of research because she knew how crazy I get about things. The point is, if Brice really needs you, that’s totally fine, but he’ll be three in January, you can’t think he needs you with every single whimper, and you can’t put aside your own needs and the ones you share with Finn. And I’m not kidding about you being uninvited to dinner. Your son is out of the house for the night, it’s a good opportunity for the two of you to talk about this, and an even better opportunity for you to do more than talk."
"Well what am I supposed to do, go in there and drag Finn home so we can have sex?" She furrowed her brows and I raised my eyebrow in her direction.
"Why not?" Brittany grinned. "If Santana did that, I’d think it was totally hot."
"Santana has done that." Rachel laughed, the red finally fading from her cheeks. "Neither of you are ever very sneaky."
"My point, exactly." Brittany nodded sagely. "No shame necessary around here."
It took another five minutes of coaxing before Rachel worked up the courage to go tell Finn that they were leaving, and another ten of her ridiculously long (as if I had any right to say that, considering) goodbye to Brice. Once they were finally out the door and the kids were situated back in the playroom, Brittany and I went back to the kitchen to finish cooking dinner. Before I could turn on the skillet to cook the chicken, Britt pushed me up against the sink, pressing her body against mine and kissing me deeply. I stood up on my tiptoes, winding my fingers through her hair and pulling her impossibly closer to me. When we finally broke apart, she burst out laughing and I followed suit.
"Seriously." I could hardly get the words out, I was laughing so hard. "The next time Kurt makes some comment about lesbian bed death, I’m telling him that the name has been changed to heterosexual I had a baby almost three years ago bed death. Seriously, there’s no worry of that around here."
"San." Brittany tried to scold, but she was nearly doubled over, hiccups escaping her throat. "How did we, who formerly had the biggest mess of a relationship, become everyone’s advice givers?"
"I don’t know, but after all we’ve taught Finn and Rachel, there should be a whole album’s worth of songs dedicated to us at their fiftieth wedding anniversary."
"Be careful what you wish for, babe. Our’s comes first, and unless you want the whole night to be the Rachel Show, you might want to keep those thoughts to yourself."